The first message sets the tone for your entire conversation. A thoughtful opener can spark engaging dialogue, while a generic one often gets lost in the shuffle. Here's how to craft first messages that actually get responses.
Move Beyond "Hi" and "Hey"
Generic greetings have low response rates because they require effort to continue. Instead, reference something from the person's profile—a shared interest, a photo, or their bio. This shows you've paid attention and creates an immediate connection point.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Questions that invite elaboration lead to richer conversations. Compare these:
- Weak: "How's your day?"
- Strong: "What's been the highlight of your week so far?"
The second question invites storytelling and reveals more about the person.
Reference Their Profile
Profiles contain goldmines for conversation starters:
- "I see you're into hiking—have you explored any trails around Ottawa lately?"
- "Your photo at the National Gallery—what was your favorite exhibit?"
- "You mentioned you're a coffee enthusiast—what's your go-to order?"
Show Your Personality
Let your authentic self shine through. A touch of humor, genuine curiosity, or thoughtful observation makes you memorable. Avoid trying too hard or using pickup lines that feel forced.
Keep It Concise
First messages don't need to be essays. A thoughtful 2-3 sentence opener is ideal—enough to show interest and invite a response, but not so much that it feels overwhelming.
Examples That Work
- "Your profile mentions you love farmers markets—do you have a favorite stall at the ByWard Market?"
- "I noticed you're into live music—what's the best concert you've seen recently?"
- "That hiking photo looks amazing—what's your favorite trail around Ottawa?"
What to Avoid
- Physical compliments as openers ("You're attractive")
- Overly familiar or intimate topics
- Generic copy-paste messages
- Questions that can be answered with yes/no
Follow-Up Strategy
If they respond, build on their answers and share about yourself in turn. Good conversations flow naturally between giving and receiving information. If there's no response after a week, it's okay to move on.
Remember, the goal is genuine connection, not perfect performance. Be curious, be kind, and let conversations develop naturally.